Becoming a mum for the first time is an incredible, life-changing experience - but, let's be honest, it can also be overwhelming! No matter how many books you read, or advice you get, nothing truly prepares you for the reality of motherhood... Looking back, there are so many things I wish I had known before bringing my baby home. First of all, I only prepared myself for the birth of my child - I knew what signs I need to be aware of to see if the labour either started or not, or how to breathe through a contraction -, but never read anything about what happens after my baby was born.
If you are a first-time mum or expecting, here are five things I learned along the way that I hope will help you too!
1. It's Okay to Not Have Everything Figured Out
As I mentioned earlier, I really focused on childbirth but not much on how to keep a baby alive - perfectly fine. You cannot prepare for yourself thoroughly, because it is impossible. Before my baby arrived, everyone I knew who already had a baby/kid was talking about feeding schedules or sleeping routines, but the truth is, every baby is different and no amount of preparation will make things go exactly as planned. (After my second daughter I can tell you that this is true! My first one has always been a good sleeper. She slept through the night from a very early stage, but my second one loved waking me up 2-3 times a night until she was 1 year old. And this is only one example :))
Instead of stressing about doing everything "right", trust your instincts. You will learn as you go, and that is absolutely fine.
2. Newborns Sleep a Lot - But Not When You Want Them To
I read that newborns sleep for 12-16 hours a day, so I thought I would have plenty of time to rest. What didn't I know? They don't sleep for long stretches. They sleep in short cycles throughout the day and night, and they often need to settle down in each cycle. If you can, sleep when the baby sleeps - I know, it sounds funny, and I also couldn't sleep when my first one was sleeping, because I was in constant stress about doing everything right, but having some rest and sleeping really does help surviving the day. And don't be afraid of asking for help from your partner, family, friends, even neighbours.
3. Postnatal Depression is Real, and it is Nothing to Be Ashamed Of
I experienced baby blues, because my body went through a lot having a baby. When it came to the term 'postnatal depression', I always rejected it. "I read about it, and I don't have all the symptoms - so I'm fine". I thought it was just normal new mum stress. My husband tried to help me to seek help, but I always refused it. After 1.5 years of having my child, I experienced insomnia, and at that point I connected the dots and was ready to ask for help.
If you are feeling anxious, disconnected and even guilty for not being "happy all the time", please know you are not alone. It is okay to ask for help - whether it's talking to a healthcare professional or joining a support group. Motherhood is a huge adjustment and taking care of your mental health is just as important as taking care of your baby.
4. The Household Can Wait
In the early postpartum weeks, it is easy to feel pressure to get back on your feet and keep up with cooking, cleaning, or welcoming visitors. But the truth is: the dishes, cleaning and laundry can wait. The most important thing is to rest when you can, eat and well, drink plenty of water. Ask for your partner, friend or parents to help, order a takeaway - let go of the guilt!
Your health is more important than a clean house.
5. The Days Are Long, But The Years Are Short
Some days will feel never-ending; the constant feeding, nappy changing and soothing your baby can easily get you feeling exhausted... but, before you know it, your newborn will be crawling, walking, and talking. Trust me, my older daughter is turning 6 this year, which is mind-blowing!
Soak in the cuddles, take plenty of photos - don't worry; you are doing an amazing job!
Are you a first-time mum? What is one thing you wish you knew before having your baby? Let's chat in the comments!
See you in the next post! xx
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